My name is Dr. Firth. Ever since receiving a highly prestigious Yahoo! Answers PHD in the field of "knowing certain things", I have been settling queries from the general public. Allow me to correct your life.
Stop! Before you read on you should know that this is not new material. I wrote this for the BBC blogs and am uploading it to my own site. I am stealing my own work. It's like when Pete Doherty stole copies of his own record from a shop in an attempt to drum up some much needed controversy for his otherwise incredibly bland musical act. I just want the papers to say I'm a bad role model so that kids will like me for being dangerous. If I do dickish, pointless anti-social things then people will like me. That's what it boils down to. What a great system.
Howard, I feel for you, I really do. It's not uncommon to be bored with everything, I know I am. The only reason I'm writing this is to keep myself awake. Boredom may be the biggest problem facing our country, yet there is currently no one interesting enough to solve it.
Did you watch the news this morning? I struggled to stay awake. Finance this, referendum that. It's all so boring. We need explosions, more unexpected celebrity deaths and shocking horrible visions of the near future. I don't know anyone in Basra, so I don't care if they're dead. Let's blame something, so we can throw rocks at it. Let's get our pointing fingers out! It's blaming season.
What I want YOU to do, Howard, is put the TV on. Start at channel 001, and try and watch for more than eight seconds without being bored. If you get bored, write down the name of the person responsible, and move to the next channel. By the time you're at GemsTV, you'll have a strong list of blameables. That is your starting point. I will do radio and then we'll get started on the internet. It's going to be a struggle, but our efforts will be a starting point. And with a blame-list steadily expanding, we'll eventually be able to solve this problem.
Jill (Somerset) says: When I'm bored I turn to social networking.
It's a great way of telling others how bored I am.