Vegetables eh? What are they all about? Well, I'll tell you. Vegetables are bits of plants that you have to eat. Now, vegetables shouldn't be confused with fruits, which are bits of plants that you CHOOSE to eat. No, you HAVE to eat vegetables or you'll end up looking ill and pasty. Since you have no choice but to eat vegetables (or look really crappy and ugly) I'll guide you as best I can through some of the ones available. If films and music can be reviewed, then why not vegetables?
If carrots' taste matched their appearance, they would taste like oranges. That would be OK. This isn't the case. They taste rubbish.
Little trumpy fart pills. Tiny green footballs. Stupid little green things. Fuck off.
As above but yellow and shaped like teeth.
Trees before they have had a chance to grow into trees. That's not fair, let them grow.
Dirty, ill, stubby corpse fingers. Wash your fat fingers you deformed corpse. Taste wrong. Fix the flavour and I still won't eat them because they're stubby corpse fingers.
Green bits of soggy toilet roll that get stuck in your teeth. No flavour.
Crap leaves. Crap lettuce. No one likes cabbage.
Like cabbage but you don't cook it. Tastes of dirty water.
The soft, wrinkly skulls of unborn foetuses. Made of cabbage. I personally think it is wrong to eat these. Taste like farts anyway.
Evil little spicy onion thing. Nasty little bastard. If I didn't want people to eat me, I would taste like this. Plural: Radi
The worst tasting thing in the universe. Tastes like old granddad socks. Like eating a vegetable tumour of old sweaty feet.
All the same. Green and taste of water. Sometimes stringy.
Anyone that buys sweet potato crisps is just trying to be different. Anyone that offers them out, without explaining what they are is an absolute cunt. It really is unforgivable.
Rubbish, bad breath flavoured medieval food for simpletons. Don't mash this.
Falls in the salad spectrum of plants that you don't bother cooking. Don't bother eating it either. Tastes of photocopier ink.
Hairy green dildos. You would never choose to eat these.
Seriously? It's just some weeds. You should take better care of your garden.
Ill broccoli. Not a flower. Always smells rotten, even when fresh. It's like eating some old lady's curly white hair, somehow solidified. Leave her alone, she's old.
Another fake veg. Not to be cooked. Made from 98% nothing. I can't imagine eating one of these.